A letter to 22 year old me...

Updated: Aug 12, 2021

If present day Queisha could talk to 10 years ago Queisha, how would that discussion go?

First things first, what was Big Queish up to 10 years ago? 22 years of age... I was 3 yrs. in marriage, I had two sons to love on, living with my in-laws (about 2 yrs. in), and according to my Tumblr I was extremely ambitious and unfulfilled at the same damn time! So…let’s go!

*a good B.Simone kinda* “Baby girl!”, first of all you are so beautiful and so hopeful of having harmony with the world but do you have harmony within yourself? You dream of doing shit like saving abused children, becoming a psychologist, philanthropist, and Beyonce. You have no vision to focus on or move toward! Do know who you are?

Unlearn everything you learned growing up. Leave the idea that your life went to shit because you bore a child out of wedlock and your being punished for that and the sins of your mother (she had me at 18). Generational cycles/curses are real, but so are choices! Life is a mixture of your decision making and uncontrollables. However, what you felt was out of your control YOU literally set up the play for by simply being in the atmosphere. By indulging in the bullshit *enters a good Rick Ross “UGH”*. Crazy, ain’t it! You participated in several lies for yourself that led you to this discomfort.

Like your idea of love and relationship, and what it entails. Your 16 yr-old self had no idea, and still has no idea. You’ll understand that more after this marriage here goes all haywire (*hugs*). Ego and ignorance led to several of your early mistakes in love. So the consequences of your decision making were applied. Not some punishment from God. That heartbreak was you, sis.

But be gentle. Understand that the rational part of your teenage brain wasn’t even functioning yet, so while you were a lil’ slow it ain’t all your fault. Love and relationship is confusing for you, but that is understandable when you think about it. At an early age you were told to believe that although this man who did not call you or would leave you waiting in the window looking for him to show up still loved you. Being loved was totally connected to your Daddy issues. That was NOT love, babygirl. At the same time, the lack of love you felt from your Daddy had nothing to do with YOU but everything to do with the fact that he has his own story.

So, while your world may look like it’s slowly crumbling and unfulfilled. The love, peace, and fulfillment that you’re searching for can be reflected by you towards YOU. Stop being so concerned with everything and everyone outside of yourself. Be present in today, be accountable for YOUR part played in self-sabotaging behavior and be AWARE. CONSCIOUS. ALERT. MINDFUL. INTENTIONAL with a plan when it comes to making decisions. Stop going with the flow of others and create your own. That’s what you are, a creator. Create the path and be present in getting there!

P.S. Your butt will get big just like your Mama’s

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